Guys — Stop Focusing So Much On Women & Women May Just Come To You

All right guys. This one’s going to get a little personal; a bit of my own personal story, if you will. But there’s a very important lesson here — if you pay attention.

So there’s this girl I’ve been seeing off and on for the past three years. We’ll call her Jen. Jen and I have had a very interesting relationship to say the least. I generally see her one or two times a week. In fact, she is sitting across from me drinking a Bud Light even now as I type this. Of course she doesn’t know what I’m writing (I told her it was a novel).

I could go on for days about how crazy she is…about what a bitch she is…and how psychotic she is. At this very moment, just looking at her gives me all kinds of negative feelings and emotions. I have a rule to never talk negatively about women and so I’ll cut my rant here. The fact is, for whatever reason, I’ve always been drawn to her. She has no heart; she has no soul…but, for some ungodly reason, I’ve been unable to escape…

…until now.

Here is this girl that I would have done anything for. And by anything I mean I would have died for her, raised her kid (a child that’s not even mine), gave her my last dollar — you get the idea. (I may have already gave her my left nut this one time when she drop-kicked me square in the Costco Foot Long).

Three years is a long time to put up with garbage.

So why did I do it? Why did I allow myself to be subjected to less than I deserve, especially given the fact that I consider myself a confident and worthy man?

I really don’t have a solid answer for that.

Maybe I was desperate. No, that’s not it; there were plenty of other girls.

Maybe she was really hot – she is! But physical appearance alone will only get a woman so far — especially if you are a high-value male.

Maybe I liked the challenge – yes, there could be some truth to that.

Maybe I was in love. I very well could have been. But if I was, I don’t think I was in love with her. I was in love with the IDEA of her.

Pay attention to that last sentence. There’s some real gold there for men and women alike.

Yes, it was the IDEA of her that kept me going. I was in love with the idea of what she COULD HAVE BEEN, not with who she ACTUALLY WAS. I always asked myself: what if she could change and become better, more friendly, more human? Or what if I could change her? Yes. What if I could bring some kind of special happiness to her life, make her feel what it’s like to live again, and be the one to show her the light?

While it’s true that people can, and do, change, you must remember they can only change so much. People, by and large, are what they are. Accept them as they are or move on. The only person you should ever try to change and improve is yourself.

Besides, the world has too much to offer. Always remember: there is so much more to life than women. The world is full of adventure and beauty in every day that you’re alive, in every conscious minute, in every breath you take.

So get out there and find your adventure. Live life. Find your purpose and let the women come to you…and they WILL if you’re living a fun, fulfilling, passionate life. Women are naturally drawn to men who are self-sufficient and passionate about who they are, what they do, and where they are going.

Love women…but never NEED them.

So go spend a day with yourself. That’s right, go to the river BY YOURSELF. Go to dinner BY YOURSELF. Or even go out and see a movie — BY YOURSELF! Enjoy it. Revel in it. Appreciate your “you-time.” Appreciate women and their beauty too — but don’t let them consume you. This will ultimately make you more attractive.

As I write this I can honestly say that, for the first time in three years, I no longer feel like I’m suffocating when I think of a life without Jen. True, I still enjoy her company from time to time despite her evil nature. But here’s the kicker: I ENJOY it.

I don’t NEED it.

When you can bring yourself to a place where you love women, you adore women, you respect women…but you NEVER need women — you will be coming from a very powerful frame indeed. And Women will find you infinitely more attractive!

And boy does it ever feel good!

Boy-oh boy-oh boy…

The adventures that lie ahead!

25 Lessons From Tony Robbins

25 Lessons Learned from Tony Robbins (and, yes, they can certainly be applied to pickup:)

1. 3 levels of mastery.  Robbins says we move through three levels of mastery: intellectual, emotional, and physical.  We might understand something intellectually, but not have any emotional reaction to it or be able to actually do it.  When we do know something at the emotional level, we have an emotional reaction.  This is a simple, but powerful model for thinking about stages of mastery, and it actually parallels Bloom’s Taxonomy.
2. 4 classes of experience.   Robbins outlines four types of experience as a frame for thinking about what types of experience to do more of, and what to do less of:  Good for you, good for other people; good for you, bad for other people, bad for you, good for other people, and bad for you, bad for other people.
3. 6 human needs.  We go through cycles of needs and some seem at odds.  Robbins says our 6 human needs are: certainty, uncertainty, significance, connection, growth, contribution.  We have a need for certainty until we are certain, and then we need surprise and variety.  We have a need to stand out and be significant and make our mark on the world, but we also have a need to blend in and be part of the crowd.  We have a need to experience growth and to make our contribution and give back to others.
4. Act on it.  Knowledge is power, and action is results.  Start with something simple and build momentum.  Decide and act.  Take massive action.  Have a bias for action.  Take consistent action.  Throw massive action at your problems.  Robbins teaches us that smart’s not enough.  If we’re smart, but don’t take action, we can end up smart and broke, smart and fat, or smart and alone.  We need to take consistent actions and improve our results.  Along those lines, it’s not enough to know what to do, you need to do what you know.
5. Ask better questions.  Learn how to ask better questions to get more effective results.  Thinking is asking and answering questions.  If you want better answers, ask better questions.  Take control of your question and answering process by asking empowering questions.  Don’t ask “why” question (e.g. why can’t I do this?), ask “how” questions (e.g. how can I do this?)   Ask happy questions or inspiring questions.  Use precision and ask precisely instead of generalizing or abstracting.
6. Be a student of possibilities.  Robbins teaches us to be open to other possibilities and continuous learning.  Don’t let your attitudes and beliefs limit you.  Change your internal representation – your belief about what’s possible.  Find ways that work for you to uncover and change your limiting beliefs.
7. Be resourceful.  To be resourceful, ask resourceful questions. (e.g. How might you solve this? Who can help?   How can you leverage what you’ve got? )   By asking your brain the right questions, you’ll engage your RAS (reticular activating system) to help you solve your problems.
8. Build a library of profound knowledge.  Find reference examples of greatness.  Create a personal knowledge base of success patterns and distinctions.  Study and collect stories of successful people that you can learn from and inspire you.
9. Change the frame to change your game.   How you look at things determines what you think, feel, and do.  A frame is how you see things.  Reframe things to change your perspective.  Practice the power of perspective and add new lenses you can use to see things a new way.
10. Focus on continuous improvement.  Achieve physical, mental, financial, and spiritual wealth.  Robbins suggests adopting a principle he calls CANI.  It stands for Constant And Never Ending Improvement.  According to Robbins, “You’re growing or dying … you’re either climbing or sliding.”
11. Know your rules.  We all carry around a bunch of rules about things.  When you have conflict, it’s usually because of a conflict in rules.  For example, somebody has rules about how they know you love them, and your behavior doesn’t match (e.g. You tell them you love them, but they need to see it with random acts of kindness.)  You can keep getting tripped up by these rules until you know what they are.  You can dump your rules by asking questions, “In order to be successful, I need to …” and whatever follows are your rules.  You can ask other people.  You can ask your kids, “In order to be a successful Mom or Dad, what do I need to do?”  Robbins makes the point that what you don’t know can hurt you, and by dumping it out, you know whether the rules are helping you or getting in the way, and you can better meet expectations for yourself or others.  For example, you might find that your rules for success are unreasonable and you would never meet them, so no matter how hard you try, you will always shoot yourself down.  Get a grip on your rules and make them work for you.
12. Learn effective techniques for learning faster with improved results.  Skill takes repetition and practice.  Robbins says, “Repetition is the mother of skill.”  Use repetition to improve your skills.  If you use repetition with improvement, you create life mastery.  People hate repetition, but it creates power.  Be willing to do the boring things everyday to improve yourself.  Don’t just do the same things over and over – improve the actions.
13. Learn how to handle and solve problems more effectively.  We become more of who we are by the problems we solve.  Robbins says, “The only people without problems are those in cemeteries.”  You improve your ability to solve problems by framing and reframing problems and by improving your communication to yourself and others.  Adopt a healthy attitude towards your problems.  Reframe problems as “challenges.”  Adopt the belief that “resistance makes you stronger” and that we expand and grow ourselves the most by solving problems.
14. Learn how to set more effective goals.  Use goals to help shape your destiny and unleash your best.  Ask yourself, who would you like to become? … what do you want to have, do, or create? … and what do you want to earn and contribute.  Write your goals down to improve your chance of success and improve your clarity.  Make sure your ladder isn’t up against the wrong wall (don’t climb to the top, only to find it’s not what you want.)  To make your goals sticky, have a compelling reason for them.   If you can’t write at least a paragraph on why you need to complete the goal, then it’s not compelling enough.  Either find the right goal or find the right reason.  Have a timeframe on your goals and start taking simple actions towards your goals, a day at a time.  Robbins suggests, “stay committed to your goals, but flexible in your approach.”
15. Learn how to master your body.  Robbins encourages several success patterns here including, breathing effectively, eating water-rich foods, eating less, and combining foods effectively.  According to Robbins, if you like to eat a lot, the secret of eating a lot, is eating a little, because then you’ll be around long enough to eat a lot.  Aside from learning from experts, Robbins also suggests exploring Natural Hygiene.
16. Learn how to master your communication with yourself and others. Robbins teaches us that the quality of your life is the quality of your communication, with ourselves and others.  Learn more effective self-talk.  You can be your best friend or your own worst enemy.  Go from critic to coach.  Robbins answers the question, “Why do we communicate?”  We communicate to feel good or expand the feeling, get rid of a negative feeling, or to change a result.  Focus on rapport before influence.   Communication often breaks down because you’re stressed or you have different perceptions of reality or different meanings.  Robbins suggests a technique he calls reality bridging.  The idea is to acknowledge that you have different views, and continue to feel good about each other, while working for a solution.
17. Learn how to master your emotions.  Master your emotional intelligence.  Robbins asks, “Why do we do anything we do?” – It’s to change our state or to change how we feel.  Make positive emotions a habit.  Don’t let other people push your buttons.  Learn how to run your emotions or they’ll run you.  Avoid throwing your emotions into a pendulum, by leading a balanced emotional life.  Learn how to change your state.  Motion creates emotion.  Change your physiology to change how you feel.
18. Learn how to master your energy.  It’s tough to go out and change the world if you don’t have the energy.  Eat well, get enough sleep, and pay attention to how blood sugar levels make you feel.
19. Learn how to master your mind.  Learn how your brain works to gain pleasure and avoid pain.  Direct your mind with focus and questions.  You get what you focus on.  To change your focus, change your questions.
20. Learn how to master your relationships.  Nurture and grow your relationships.  People are your greatest resource.  Make everyone your mentor and learn from everyone you know.  Never question intent.  You can question behavior, but not intent.  When you question intent, such as “You don’t care about me” or “You wanted to hurt me”, judging can destroy communication.  Instead, focus on the behavior, not the individual.  Remember to give other people what you want – the benefit of the doubt, and remind yourself that “people always do the best they can with the resources they’ve got.”
21. Live with passion.  Find your passion and unleash it in others.  Robbins teaches us to “live with passion” and “happily achieve over achieve to be happy.”  Follow your heart.  Passion is our fuel for life.  It’s our drive.  Make work your play and play at your work.
22. Make meaning.   You’re the most important meaning maker in your life.  You determine the meaning that comes from something; it then becomes a reality to you.  Choose a meaning that makes you more effective.  Metaphors are a powerful way to shape how you think about things.  Use metaphors that empower you.  For example, what’s your metaphor for life — is life a game? … is it a dance? … is it an epic adventure? … is it a comedy? … is it a tragedy?
23. Model success.  Learn and model the success of others.  Robbins teaches us that “success leaves clues.”  Find the people that are the best at what they do and use them as reference examples.  Find real-world examples of people or things with the results you want.  Work backwards from success to save time figuring it out from scratch.   Find the short-cuts and the proven paths based on people who have been there and done that.  You can use techniques and concepts from NLP such as modeling, to model excellence more effectively.
24. Raise your standards.  If you want to dramatically change your life, raise your standards.  Stop accepting certain things.  Turn your “SHOULDs” into “MUSTs” and your “some days” into “today.”
25. Test it yourself.   Does it work?  The only way to really know is to test it for yourself.  Robbins says don’t take his word for it, try it out for yourself.  Let results be your judge.